Before I got pregnant, I was so regular that I could set my clock by my cycle. Every 28 days for 5-7 days. It had been that way since I was 13. Of course, when I did 6 IUI's and 2 rounds of IVF, my cycle got all kinds of messed up with the timed cycles and hormones. When I was pregnant, of course I didn't have a period and was fortunate enough to give birth at 37 weeks one day to a beautiful little girl and a handsome little man. They were born perfectly healthy and have never had more than a cold. That said, I would be more than grateful to God if they were all the children that we were ever able to have. But, the thought of having more is always something I have wanted. Not now, but one day.
Well, today I was kicked in the face with my infertility. I have had 4 periods since I gave birth 7 1/2 months ago. They started at 10 weeks after and have been pretty irregular since then. Once I went 2 months between, then 36 days, then 30, you get it. I had 7-10 days of spotting/bleeding, but I just thought it was me getting back to normal. I have heard it could take up to a year so I thought nothing of it. I started my last period on December 22nd. It was fairly normal and tapered off, but never really stopped. Just continued spotting. Well in the last couple days it has gone from brown to red again. Weird I thought. Well, today I was at the gym on the treadmill. I was almost done working out when I felt a gush. I went to the bathroom and there was bright red blood everywhere. Sorry for the TMI. I then started cramping. It got worse on the drive home, and so I took a bubble bath. I soaked for 30 minutes, and when I got out to take a shower and wash my hair, the water was red and there were clots everywhere. My cramping was so bad I could hardly stand. I happened to be on the phone with Alexis and she convinced me to call the doctor. I did, and they said they could get me in on Monday. OK.
I went to pick up the kids from MDO and couldn't walk. I parked in the handicapped spot (granted there are 15) and got many looks from the other moms and the security guard. I didn't care. It freaking hurt. I made it in and got the kids, but unloading them, I had to hold onto the car. On the way home, I stopped and got a pain pill from Adam at work. He has a bad back. When we got home, I fed them and put them in their play yard. Then I got on the heating pad. I was soaking a tampon an hour at this point, so I thought it had passed. But the pain kept getting worse. I felt like I was in labor and that my uterus and rectum were going to fall out. I was contemplating going to the emergency room if it kept up. The pain meds didn't touch it. So, I called the doctor again and begged to get in today. They said if I could be there by 4, they could get me in. Thank goodness I only live 5 minutes away. I packed up my sleepy kids and went to the doctor.
When I got there, the nurses took the babies and played with them while I went in and had a vaginal ultrasound, an abdominal ultrasound, an endometrial biopsy and a sonohysteroscopy. OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Adam got off early from work and came and picked them up for me.
Guess what. I have a very large cyst on my right ovary and fibroids all over my uterus. Again. Fuck!
My doctor put me immediately on birth control to hopefully shrink the cyst and stop the bleeding. He said he was concerned about the amount of blood I had lost. I have to take vitamins and iron and drink tons of water. He gave me a prescription to vicodin and told me to take it easy. Ya right! I have two babies at home!!
I go back next week for a pap and to get the results of the biopsy. I go back in a month to see if the cyst has shrunk. If it hasn't, I have to have another surgery. If the fibroids continue to make me have such bad periods and pain, I have to have surgery. If I ever want a chance in hell to have another baby, I have to have surgery. Thank God I have my 4 frost babies. So, I guess it is not a question of if but when I will have surgery.
No matter what I do, I will always be infertile. Infertility in a motherfucker!
I am blessed to have my 2 miracles. For them, I am eternally grateful!
Julia
6 comments:
I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel and am having surgery in a few weeks, after a failed FET with our only embryo. It is so hard because it seems like so many women get magically better after treatment and a successful pregnancy and I am worse off after having the twins reproductively (not other ways though because they are so wonderful). Hang in there!
That sounds awful!! Gah!
I'm so sorry! That sounds horrible! I hate the moments when we are just trying to enjoy motherhood and infertility smacks us in the face! Not that I had anything like that happen to me, but I've had my moments. I hope you get feeling better soon!
Oh gosh that sounds horrible! I have a friend who gets cysts often and from what she says it's excruciating pain. I hope the pain meds give you some relief!
Im so sorry, that sounds AWFUL! :-(
Miracles those little twins are for sure! I can't imagine being in that much pain and having to little bundles to take care of- you are a strong woman!
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